Saturday, 20 August 2011

Under Orders to Blog

Yet again, I have left my blog unattended, like the ever-present confused child in the airport that you really would go over and ask if it's alright but you:

a) Don't want to risk looking like a paedophile.
b) Don't want to look like an idiot when their parent is only a few feet away and they just look that lost all the time.
c) 'Pfft, security'll find them soon enough...'

However, there was a kind of semi-decent reasoning to this. If you read this blog often, or perchance have just read the previous post, or in the unlikely event that you're omniscient, you'll know that I recently embarked on a trip to Holland, where I bought stayed in a hotel, got confused and got drunk and then came home again.

This post was entitled: World Destruction Tour - Part One. It was called that because the general plan was that not long after that we would embark on a week long trip to Portugal upon the same basis. Unfortunately, due to various technical difficulties and life being a bitch, it seems that by the time this trip actually happens, I will finally be condemned to college life and unable to make it.

But the thing is, I, like many other nerds before me, am a continuity freak.

When I buy a film, I buy the fricking boxset. When I read a book, I read the prequel, sequel, the interquel, and the parallel. And don't get me started on anime continuation.

So as you can imagine, when I realised I had a part one, and nothing to continue it with, I was a wreck.

I sat indoors all day, reading endless piles of books and staring at my laptop, willing my book to get written, maybe Facebook to do something interesting besides tell me how 'MESSY' some d**ks night out was. I would drink a two litre bottle of cherryade and throw up on the carpet, blaming it on the cat. I don't even have a cat.

So what are you reading? What am I writing? Better yet, why am I writing?

Because I was sat on Facebook, gnawing my own face off from the relentless amounts of dark self-shots with emo song lyrics from 'depressed' 13-year old's when I received this message, from the one with that blog about lemons or whatever.

So, what with her being relentlessly amazing and beautiful and talented and me being skillfully hypnotised, I decided to blog.

But what was I to blog? I had done nothing, achieved nothing save getting an imaginary cat in trouble! I'd have to do something revolutionary, something unheard of, something new.

So, I decided to make a list.

I know, I'm spoiling you.

See the thing is, if you're reading this, you've probably got nothing else to do. Either that or you rushed home and even hit a pensioner on the way when you heard I had posted again - but only cheese-boy does that. Seriously, he checks my blog at work when his boss isn't looking.

So due to you having nothing else to do I thought I'd give you a leg-up out of boredom, and give you a list of three awesome blogs to read when you're not peeling potatoes.

Three Awesome Blogs to read when you're not Peeling Potatoes

Written by a certain Chinese ball of awesome, LDML is a contemporary zeitgeist for the sexually frustrated homeschooler. In short, desperate loner writing about penis. It's funny.

The Cheesecake Paradox consists of the proverbial ramblings of Sri-Lankan born Australian Ash Silva, a school computer technician and alleged mason-fetishist from Brisbane. A must read if you enjoy my writings.

That's right, it has no name. Its no lie that I love English teachers, and the short punchy posts of pure wit, awesome poetry and unadulterated nameless-ness make 'The Secret Life of an English Teacher' one of my favourite blogs out there.

So what are you still doing here? Go! Read! Cure your boredom!

Pay me later guys.

- Lewis