Saturday, 24 December 2011

It's Beginning To Smell A Lot Like Christmas

I'm not going to tell you it's Christmas. I don't want to ruin the surprise that the world is so amazingly hiding from you.

I'mma keep it short today - a little observation for all you people should do it, because you're all probably getting excited about bearded philanthropists flying through the sky and ceremonially stuffing dead birds into heated metal boxes and generally not caring what I have to say.

Don't worry, we all do. The birds I mean, not apathetic attitude towards me.

Now I don't know whether you've heard about this thing called television, but when it comes to the Holiday period, a time of being together and giving and socialising, it's a bit of a growing hobby to tell everybody to shut up and watch the flickering metal box in the corner, convinced that we're all going to be thoroughly entertained whilst the bird continues to burn and your Grandmother rots in the corner.

Over the past years of my sentience however, it seems that around this time of year I've been phenomenally unobservant, as its only this year that I noticed two rather curious things:
1) Why is the baby Jesus in my nativity set born with a full head of John Lennon-esque locks?
2) What the f*ck is up with all these perfume adverts?

Christmas is of course, a time of being together and giving gifts, and so obviously products that are almost completely shunned for the rest of the year are going to want to advertise like hell, reminding you that the woman in your life wants to smell pretty as well, even if it costs you a fortune. 

All that bit makes sense - it's the perfume adverts themselves that confuse me. The dilemma of how to advertise a smell is obviously a tricky one, and one that media moguls have had a pretty good go at - but some of the ideas they're running to nowadays are getting a bit absurd.

It's seemingly getting further and further away from describing a smell as possible - do you want to smell like a runaway Italian sweetheart? Or maybe you're after a beige-obsessed Natalie Portman? No, you're definitely a race-car driving prostitute.

Do you know what any of those smell like? I certainly don't.

Surely selling perfumes should be about how nice they smell, as opposed to how well-lit your models are. How about a bloke in a suit, on a chair, in a white room, describing a scent? Or am I just going crazy?

However insane the advertising techniques will get, the sentiment of buying perfume for your lady friend is still a beautiful thing. What do you get a girl who has everything? How about the one sense still uncaptured by technology, the one thing you can't fathomably make, a smell, captured, in a bottle.

But do you know what the laydeez do like? Clothes. So whether you are a man with a crush, a woman with a wardrobe, or a man who is sick of wearing jeans and a shirt, the beautiful people at and myself are giving you a 5% discount on ANYTHING you order from them. Yeah, anything. Just enter in the coupon "blogspot2011" at the checkout and say goodbye to a portion of the price.

You don't even have to get me anything. Well you could. These are nice. I'm a size 8.5. Just saying.

Merry Christmas chaps,

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