Tuesday, 1 November 2011

The Legend of Eternal Flashmob Guy

One of the many joys of college life, is that there are so many people.

If you want quiet people, loud people, people with purple hair or people with bowl cuts, black people, white people, slightly unhealthy coloured people, college people has the people for you. People. 

And this variant populace, does of course have it's own characters, one of whom I am going to share with you today. 

If you watch carefully, you'll see a man walking around the college grounds. A man with cheap clothes (Normally tracksuit bottoms) a plain shirt, and a black back with a blue Puma logo. He has a little mess of black hair atop his head, and a pumpkin patch of facial hair upon his face.

He has spent time with only a select few people, and with them, shared little information. It's been a bit of a while since he has made human contact, but foggy memories recall him going by the name Ben - although that is not his more common handle. 

Some contacts remember him referring to himself as The Master of Pain, under the belief that he himself could control the pain of others.

But what we call him, is something completely different.

We call him:

Eternal Flashmob Guy.

A flashmob, for those of you who are unaware, is the instantaneous movement of a 'mob' of pre-organised movement, usually a dance or protest. People will mill around a planned area, acting as if with no purpose - a signal will be given, and it will begin. People come out of almost nowhere and all move as one.

YouTube it, fools.

But the thing is, with eternal flashmob guy, his flashmob hasn't happened yet. He walks around the grounds, maybe for years now, not going to lessons, walking back and forth, round and round, waiting for the signal, for the music to start, so he can begin. 

The other day he walked around a picnic table 34 times in quick succession.

Reactions are mixed - some people feel sorry for him, that he might be lonely. Others are scared - he's a loner and he's referred to himself as the master of pain - because that doesn't sound Columbine-ish. Some people are amused, obsessed, watching him, following him, observing, bemused.

I myself am ever so slightly fascinated, confused, sorry, disturbed. EFG is an enigma, and will no doubt stay that way. His future? No idea. He's probably just going to carry on waiting.



  1. go flash mob guy !!!

  2. I know him... but I'm sure he lives here...

  3. He sat with us at lunch the other day in cafe d! Now I see him ALL the time!

  4. I don't know whether to feel pity or amusement.