One Sprog Every Minute

The other day, I was wandering along, minding my own business, when I heard the high-pitched voice of one teen-socialite uttering words that flicked my mind from the thoughts of what I was going to have for dinner to something that deeply disturbed me. This girl was about fourteen or fifteen, elbow pinning Hollister back to her side and free hand waving about whenever she spoke, so I guess I wasn’t too surprised (Mostly confused) when she uttered the words:
“I really want a baby.”

 Now I can slightly see why someone might want a sprog. Sure they’re cute, there are thousands of videos on You-Tube to prove that much, and sure, there’s the whole ‘Gift of Life’ thing, but overall, the disadvantages weigh out the benefits.

If you thought having one stomach to fill throughout your life wasn’t enough of a challenge, sure, you might want to advise in one of these screaming little upgrades, that instead of a stomach ache, will give you tantrums, screaming, possible property damage and deep moral scarring if you don’t feed it enough of what it demands! Or if you thought you had much too much money to spend on yourself (Which judging by the Hollister bag you might just) you can have one of these cute little things, to demand toys, food, clothes, and as they grow older the more powerful sedatives known as games consoles.

And last but certainly not least, I have one more point. Vaginas. Yeah, I’m not an expert, but that birth thing looks PAINFUL.

So before you go around stating how much you’d like a screaming, pooping, eating, drain on resources and energy and money, take a thought for your dear sweet mother, who deformed herself for you, stayed up for hours for you, spent all the money she could’ve spent on herself on designer sedatives, only to get pubescent remarks about how much you’d like to go through the same punishment, maybe just think the comment through.

- Lewis